I've nursed my son through four birthdays now. I know what the critics say, but it's what he wants.
Sept. 18, 2006 | My son turned 4 a few weeks ago. His birthday wishes included the following: real binoculars, anything to do with Spider-Man and to keep on nursing.
In the past two years, like a slice of Wonder bread squeezed into a marble of dough, the breast-feeding my son so treasures has been compressed into something that only vaguely resembles its original self. For us, nursing has become a brief bedtime ritual that lasts as long as it takes me to sing the alphabet song. It involves little overt emotion; most of the time the process is as perfunctory as the tooth brushing that precedes it. It no longer offers much nutrition: My milk has dwindled to a few desultory drops.
What this ritual also became long ago is a loosely kept secret. For many women, the decision whether to breast-feed at all has become a public litmus test of maternal devotion. Recent government efforts to promote it have provoked an emotional debate that boils down to one loaded question: Are you a bad mother if you don't breast-feed? Having experienced the challenges of breast-feeding firsthand, I don't think so. But having started down this path, my personal debate has involved a different question altogether: Am I a bad mother if I haven't stopped?
Though there is a growing body of scientific knowledge about the nutritional value of breast milk, science has relatively little to say about breast-feeding's psychological value, and even less to say about continuing past the usual milestones. The World Health Organization promotes breast-feeding until age 2 and beyond. American Pediatric Association guidelines recommend breast-feeding for 12 months, and after that for as long as "mutually desirable." But what to do when the desire -- on the part of at least one party, anyway -- shows no real sign of abating? When physical nourishment is almost beside the point, and what we are talking about is mostly the emotional kind?
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My comments are, as usual, in the comments field. ~ Ali
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1 comment:
I really appreciated this article. I, too, practiced extended breastfeeding - and I think there are a lot more of us out there than anyone realizes.
It's a deeply personal and private decision, influnced by myriad complex circumstances. What makes sense for you might not make sense for me. But it is undeniable that to practice extended breastfeeding is to flout current societal norms.
All the more reason to be open about it, I say.
What I find interesting is that breastfeeding - be it extended, or brief, or public or simply advocated for - comes under such virulent attack. I'm honestly fascinated by the psyche of those who respond with vitriol to such a basic act.
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